Preggers

Sometimes I don’t wanna be a mother !

I know it sounds harsh and cruel.

But yes,this is what comes to my mind sometimes.

I used to be an independent,working woman who didn’t wanted to stop at anything.The pregnancy was unplanned but not unprepared for.

I always wanted to be a mother.Sooner or later I was going to be one.And I wanted to give no excuse to manage the motherhood thing all by myself.

I wanted to be the perfect mother for my lil one and so I quit my job to take care of my teeny bopper.

I mean who can not fall in love with the cuteness overloaded baby cub.

First came the ‘baby blues’.I didn’t know why I was so sad even when the most precious thing on earth was in my arms.

The constant crying seemed to never end.Everyone just kept insisting I breastfed the baby everytime it cried.

And the breastfeeding never seemed to end.I was either feeding it or I was a leaking faucet.

I just hated everyone around me.The pampering I got while I was pregnant was all gone.

I was becoming insecure of my husband as well.

And for no reason at all I was crying!!

It took counseling from my doctor and tons of support from my family, but I was back to normal in a few days.

Things settled down gradually and I was in tune with my baby and its habits.

But,again the feelings came back when my baby started crawling and walking.

When my husband is off to work its just me and my baby.So,the baby is overtly attached to me,like an extended organ.

The baby needs constant supervision,the fear that it might swallow something or just electrocute itself gave me chills.

The mess the baby makes and the time you take to clean it up making sure there’s nothing harmful around is tiring.

Plus you have to keep running behind the tiny tot to feed.Dont forget the temper tantrums.

Bathing and even pooping in leisure is a far fetched dream.

No matter,how baby proofed your place is,still the tiny tyke will find something or the other that will give you goosebumps.

Forget privacy.I stopped feeling as a human unit.I’m a zombie.Foregt makeup and feeling sexy,Im just a huge mess.

I really miss the old life sometimes.

All this gets to me at times and tears just roll out.

But a tiny gesture of affection,a simple smile at you or a teeny kiss vanishes it all out.

Its okay to feel that way,I’m human after all.

Not everyone has it together all the time.

 

But just a tiny gestue of love like a

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